It’s been a full week since my 25th. Fantastic. Same old shit. Deep, burning loneliness that no one on Earth can solve. I hate it here so bad. This whole feeling of being unwanted and unworthy and unknown.
I realise the only way I can be valued is to create value consistently. Otherwise I am nothing. With every breath I take, I am filled with strong resentments towards people I like. Because I feel they cannot relate.
The dolls are the only things that help me. I am too sensitive. Too slow. I’m stressed the fuck out. This world is utterly selfish and I feel things too deeply. I don’t know how to control it or if I really want to control it. I live in fantasy land 24/7.
The selfishness, callousness, coldness are the things that disgusts me the most. Like I actually have no value. I don’t have anything worth selling.
It’s actually interesting/funny that no matter how wealth/ high up the socio-economic ladder a person is they will still submit to their basal desires of food, warmth and sex. You would think that they’d be too advanced for that or it’s below them.
Anyways I don’t want to be here and I want to die. And yeah.
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