Day 172

I want love and affection from him. That’s when I’ll be able to breathe.

I’m so super horny. Jesus help me please. My horniness has no bounds.

I just want to be eaten out over and and over and over again.

It’s because I’m so stressed out with not knowing how to sort out r storyline to two of my stories.

I am inadequate with my writing abilities because I don’t read enough. I read but not as much as I feel I should.

I just want to die.

I’m tired of trying to figure things out.

Day 170

I don’t have a choice but to kill myself. Like it’s no longer a joke. I need to die. I hate every breath I take.

I hate being alive. I’m an incompetent human being. 

I pray I die tonight. I pray the Lord comes and takes my breath away. 

I would overdose but my previous experience of overdosing was the least bit fun.

I have nobody on this Earth to talk to. Possibly in my next life, when it’s all to late, I’ll have a friend.

I hate myself so much. It’s hard to explain the depths of my hatred to anyone.

No guy likes me. Even when they do, after a little while they ignore me. 

I feel too much. I want everything too much now.

I crave instant gratification all the time. 

I am not strong at all. I am weak. I am pathetic. I am piteous. I am a fool. I am worthless.

I hope this counts as my suicidal letter. 

Day 169

I want to die so desperately so. I hate my father. He irritates me. I resent my mother.

I don’t want to live. 

I outsourced my happiness and now I love a guy who hates me. He said I was desperate and I am, to die.

I hate myself so much. I’m barely functioning at all. I hate how much of an attention seeker so much. 

My relationship with Jesus just feels plain. I’m so lonely.

Day 167

I took a little sip of cough medicine that contains alcohol, whilst already having taken one of my opiate pain pills.

I’m hoping and praying I can die blissfully in my sleep. 

It probably won’t do anything but the thought counts. Everyday I’m getting even more and more desperate to commit suicide.

Today I met a woman who told me because of her financial situation she wanted to commit suicide?

How does a suicidal person respond to another suicidal person when such an admission is made?

I told her she shouldn’t. She said she knows she wouldn’t because she has a 14 year old daughter. 

I then proceeded to buy her some milk,biscuits, eggs and bread.

There is nothing in this life. What answers are people still searching for? 

People will never understand that there’s only so much humans are able to understand before they collapse at the feet of God.

I want to go home to Jesus.

There is nothing in this world for me.

Let me sleep in you in peace.

Day 166

I honestly want to kill myself so bad. I want to kill myself. I hate being alive. I hate being human. I hate breathing.

Everyday I feel guilty. Everyday I feel unworthy. Everyday I feel less than dust. Everyday I want to wake up and cry. 

Everyday I want to pop many dolls and call it a day. But I’ve done it before and it’s scary. 

I just want to die in my sleep. Jesus please take me away from the mess of my life I’m tired.