Day 176

I’m riddled in fear

I don’t work hard enough 

I don’t write enough

I don’t read enough 

I’m becoming a loser 

It NEEDS to be game over for me 


Day 175

I am at a loss for words. My thoughts are too heavy for my mind to carry and so when they fall out my mouth they tend to be a verbal mess.
I want to do too much. I’m writing what I didn’t set out to write. What I set out to write was how I’m not fully convicted in anything I do.
It’s because I’m super hyper conscious about everything I do that makes me so indecisive because of my fear of making the wrong choice. 

Day 172

I want love and affection from him. That’s when I’ll be able to breathe.

I’m so super horny. Jesus help me please. My horniness has no bounds.

I just want to be eaten out over and and over and over again.

It’s because I’m so stressed out with not knowing how to sort out r storyline to two of my stories.

I am inadequate with my writing abilities because I don’t read enough. I read but not as much as I feel I should.

I just want to die.

I’m tired of trying to figure things out.

Day 170

I don’t have a choice but to kill myself. Like it’s no longer a joke. I need to die. I hate every breath I take.

I hate being alive. I’m an incompetent human being. 

I pray I die tonight. I pray the Lord comes and takes my breath away. 

I would overdose but my previous experience of overdosing was the least bit fun.

I have nobody on this Earth to talk to. Possibly in my next life, when it’s all to late, I’ll have a friend.

I hate myself so much. It’s hard to explain the depths of my hatred to anyone.

No guy likes me. Even when they do, after a little while they ignore me. 

I feel too much. I want everything too much now.

I crave instant gratification all the time. 

I am not strong at all. I am weak. I am pathetic. I am piteous. I am a fool. I am worthless.

I hope this counts as my suicidal letter.